I’ve often said that parenting is like having a pop quiz every day, and I’m always behind on the reading!
One of the more memorable ones happened the day my son, who was between three and four at the time, and I were in the car driving home from the grocery store. A propos of nothing, he pipes up, “Mommy, when you die, does all of you die?”
In addition to giving him props for asking one of the biggest questions human beings ever ask, I tried to give an age-appropriate version of my personal beliefs on the subject. And then had to laugh, because no one ever told me prior to becoming a parent that I’d need advanced coursework in Theology (see above); Astrophysics (Mommy, how far away is the sun?); Sociology (Why is that man standing on the corner with a sign?) and much, much more…
Every day a new pop quiz… and every day I read the wrong chapter the night before!
In a way it only makes sense- our children are constantly growing and changing. And there’s always that lag time in our learning curve as parents. The bummer of it is that so many of our hard won skills and knowledge become obsolete so soon. Remember that brilliant trick you came up with for potty training? No, I didn’t think so. But I’m certain that you did something right there- after all- your kid is not going off to college in diapers, much as you might have worried about that!
For me the latest pop quiz was occasioned by the need to get AJ glasses for the first time. Turns out his eyes are great- 20/20 vision- but they are not working properly together, making it hard for his brain to make sense of the incoming signals. I won’t bore you with the medical mumbo-jumbo (partly because I’m just deciphering it myself), but the upshot is that he’ll be wearing glasses for close up tasks and doing some vision therapy for a while.
So the glasses came in over the weekend. After we got them home, he decided he was not going to look at himself in the mirror because he was going to look “weird.” Never mind that I’ve worn glasses (or contacts) since I was ten, and his dad wears glasses for reading and driving. Never mind that at least two kids in his class wear glasses. None of that was relevant at this moment.
He asked me over and over- “Mommy, do these glasses make me look weird?”
Now this question reminded me of the infamous, “Do these jeans make my butt look fat?”
Neither question really calls for a yes/no answer. And while there is an acceptable answer to the latter (hint it starts with: “Honey your butt is adorable.” And it ends with “Honey, your butt is adorable.”), it was clear that I could tell him how cute/handsome/brilliant/normal/not-weird-at-all he looked until I was blue in the face and it wouldn’t matter.
He needed something else.
Without even mentioning the glasses, I said, “You know what would be really weird? If radishes started growing out of your ears.” That got a little smile out of him, so I figured I was onto something. So I went on. ”Or if you developed pink and purple and yellow and green spots. Now that would be weird.” He started getting into it at that point, and recalling Imogene’s Antlers said, “What if I woke up with antlers.” We agreed that THAT would definitely be weird. Now it was a game. We spent the next ten minutes or so thinking of all kinds of things that would be TRULY weird. The goofier we got, the more he laughed.
And then we left it.
He spent the rest of the day experimenting with his glasses on his own. Putting them on, taking them off, putting them on again. And I haven’t heard any more about glasses being weird.
I’m not saying we’re out of the woods on this one yet. None of his friends have seen him with the glasses, or even know that he has them. So, it’s entirely possible that we’ll have to revisit this once school starts. But I feel like even if someone does give him a little bit of flak about it, he’ll remember that it could be worse. At least he doesn’t have radishes growing out his ears!
I write about this for a couple of reasons. First, because I think it is so important for us moms to notice when we do things right. We beat ourselves up regularly for the things we think we should have done or not done, that we hardly ever notice the moments we get things right.
I was so pleased because I felt like I finally passed one of these endless pop quizzes! It doesn’t happen nearly often enough. And this moment of triumph will be eclipsed soon enough by my next mommy tantrum or missed opportunity. I record this so that I might have a fighting chance to remember that I’m not always a bad mommy!
The second reason I write about this is that I’m always thrilled and grateful to learn from other moms. While every kid is different and there is no single right way to handle any particular situation, I’ve learned more about being a mom from other moms than any library full of parenting books could ever teach me. With our collective mommy wisdom, we can be living crib sheets for each other.
So what about you? What pop quizzes have come your way lately?
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
you get an A+++++++++++, I loved it. Who says weird is bad, I actually enjoy people that others think are weird, or situations that might seem a bit odd to others.
Such appropriate timing you have…
Just last night, my 10 y/o daughter asked me, “Mommy, why are you and I fat, but the boys aren’t?”
Uhhh….yeah. Lovely.
Instead of replying with any one of the myriad factual answers to her question, I asked instead, “Does it bother you being overweight?”
She said, “Sometimes. But I don’t just sit around, so how come I can’t lose any weight?”
I said, “Well, for you, my sweet, I think it has more to do with what you eat than what you do. Everything you like is either sugar or pasta, and those things aren’t very nice to your system and neither of them are good for you if they’re all you eat. That’s why I’m always trying to get you to eat vegetables and fruit, too. You know how you say your tummy hurts a lot? Eating more vegetables and fruit would help that, too.”
Fast forward to today. I was headed for the grocery store. She asked if I would get some fruit. I was floored. So when I came back with bananas, grapes, and apples, she said, “Mommy – you know what? I don’t like apples, but I think I’m going to try them again, anyway.”
I almost cried.
.-= Suzanne Bird-Harris´s last blog ..Interview with Tom Volkar: WordPress Summer Camp 2009 Sneak Peek =-.
@Lori– I’m with you- weird is good. Thanks to Suzanne, I found this dude’s blog and guess what the topic is? “Celebrate your Strangeness”! How cools is that: http://www.delightfulwork.com/money/celebrate-your-strangeness/
@Suzanne- I’m getting teary myself! It’s so amazing when you see that something you said actually went in. How awesome of her to give apples another try!
My pop-quiz hint? Answer the question, but make sure you know what it is.
10 years ago, when my daughter was 4, she asked me, “Mama, where did I come from?” Oh, I was ready with the perfect (if somewhat lengthy), developmentally-appropriate answer about donor insemination (“Mummy and I loved each other so much that we knew we wanted a special baby to share that love with . . .”). She waited patiently till I was done, and then said, “Yes, I know, but Buddy came from Gritman Hospital. Where did I come from?”
.-= Melynda´s last blog ..Orderly Transition of Power Salad–with homemade chutney! =-.
@Melynda- I’m laughing so hard at this one because it’s just classic that even when I *think* I’m prepared… it still turns out I read the wrong chapter!
This is great. And I love thinking of it as reading the wrong chapter. Must remember that. My daughter is 12 so I have some good pop quizes coming up, I think.
And a friend who did graduate school in Philosophy says that all toddlers ask the really big philosophical questions. Just imagine the answer her kid got
.-= JoVE´s last blog ..Attn: Chicago folks =-.
Liz,
I loved that link you referred to. He was so on about M.J., when Al Franken said that Michale was not strange I had to laugh, of course he was. But that’s what made him him. I’ve always enjoyed the odd person, but just wish I had a bit more of it in me.