This week in the business section of our newspaper, Liz Ryan, a HR veteran and career coach wrote a great column called, Mission: Kill the ‘just’ .
Her point was that she hears people all the time dismissing their activities outside the paid workforce with that little word, “just”. As in, “I’ve just been at home with my kids for the last few years.” Or, “I’ve just been doing some volunteer work.”
I hear it come out of my own mouth all the time. When I tell people I write for a newspaper, I’m quick to say, “but it’s just a small local monthly.” Or that I have a coaching practice, “just a small one for now.”
It shows up in other ways as well. Sometimes when my words come out more harshly than I intend, I’ve been known to say, “I’m not grumpy, I’m just tired.” As if being tired isn’t enough to warrant being less than completely chipper.
As you can see from these examples that little word serves to diminish whatever it is applied to.
When I looked it up in my dictionary, the synonym for this meaning of ‘just’ was ‘merely.’ How’s that for a dismissive word?
It’s especially outrageous when you actually stop and consider what a woman who is “just” a mom actually does. I won’t belabor the point, since I’m guessing most everyone reading this post has seen Erma Bombeck’s widespread job description.
There is also this which shows a list of all the different ‘job functions’ that moms perform in any given day or week.
If you enter the number of hours per week you spend on each of these various tasks, this site will calculate your ‘annual salary,’ and even print you out a paycheck.
On one hand, I can appreciate the impulse that lies behind this site. Calling attention to the fact that the things that we do all day long: childcare, cooking, housework and taxi service have monetary value is important. For my zip code, the median annual salary would be about $125K. In my world, that’s nothing to sneeze at, and since I’ve had something of an untraditional career track, it’s way more money than I’ve ever made.
But honestly, if someone printed out and gave me the fake paycheck that you see on this site, I’d be pissed off.
I understand that it’s a way to try to show moms that they are valued, but what we’ve forgotten is that there are categories of value that are not captured by a strictly economic view.
Warning… Philosophy Ahead!
I promise not to indulge in a long philosophical rant, but I can’t help quoting Kant here… (from the Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals)
In the kingdom of ends, everything has either a price or a dignity. What has a price can be replaced by something as its equivalent; what on the other hand is raised above all price and therefore admits of no equivalent has a dignity.
As obvious as this claim might be, it is not the foundation of our economic system. Our current paradigm holds virtually nothing as above price. Even human lives are given prices in many different domains. Safety regulations are built around complex calculations which balance the cost of things like seat belts and guard rails against how many lives are likely to be saved. The insurance industries have their own metrics of costs and benefits, etc, etc.
The annual salary calculation operates precisely on the view that the work mothers do has a price. That is, it can be replaced by an equivalent. If I’m not around to cook the meals, someone can be hired to do so. And for some of the tasks moms do, this model seems to fit. I’d be really happy to be replaced by a housekeeper most of the time!
My hope is just to point out that the assumption that everything has a price is not the only possibility.
We have all been taken in by a model of what is valuable that has been skewed by it’s attachment to an economic system that has no place for things like human relationships and building community.
So in urging moms to drop the ‘just’ from, “I’m just a mom,” I’m partly urging us to recognize all the work that we do to keep our families fed, clothed, and ferried. These tasks are enormous and they have value. But their value has a price. They can be outsourced and compensated in monetary terms.
I’m actually going for a much bigger point. I would like to urge all of us to recover the dignity of being mothers. To realize that much of what we do to keep our families intact, healthy and whole admits of no equivalent. This world of intangibles could never be outsourced, and offering money (assuming anyone would) would simply be an insult.
But just because something is beyond price doesn’t mean that it should go unrecognized. But if money isn’t the appropriate currency, what is?
One word. Respect.
Dignity commands respect.
But guess what? If we don’t respect ourselves and our work, no one else will either. I think this is what struck me so powerfully about Liz Ryan’s piece. In urging job seekers to “Kill the Just,” she was exhorting them to have a little respect for the time and energy they had spent in other realms, and for the experience and skills they had gained along the way.
So ladies, please. A little respect for ourselves. By insisting on our own dignity, we shine a light that allows others to find their own as well.
