This isn’t the standard version of Do-Overs and High-Fives, but I think the title still fits.
The tooth fairy lost her wings today, and I’m feeling the full bittersweetness of watching my son grow up.
DH was in the shower and I was barely conscious when AJ marched into the bedroom this morning and announced, “I know you’re the tooth fairy.”
“Wha?” I asked.
“I know you’re the tooth fairy.” He holds up a baggie with a wadded up tissue inside. “I lost a tooth at school yesterday and didn’t tell you about it. And the tooth fairy didn’t come. That proves you’re the tooth fairy.”
“Mmmm…. you think so huh?” I’m playing it cool at this point. Or I would be except that I’m still not awake enough to make a truly coherent response of any sort.
Not getting much response from me, he walks into the bathroom and makes his case to his dad.
Dad is noncommittal as well, neither confirming nor denying.
While AJ is getting dressed DH asks if he should smuggle one of the $2 bills he has on hand for tooth-fairy payouts into AJ’s room.
I wave him off, somehow getting the feeling that maybe it’s time to let this one go. I figure if necessary we can put the money under the bed and convince AJ that it must have fallen.
After several more rounds of , “Come on, just admit it. You’re the tooth fairy,” during breakfast, AJ gets off to school.
Once he’s gone and I had some time to think and reflect in my journal, it really struck me that this was a milestone of development, and at this point holding onto the myth of the tooth fairy was not going to serve AJ or our relationship with him.
As I was writing this morning, two things came clearly to me. First of all, I didn’t want him to think that magic doesn’t exist, or that all magic is done by people. In my experience, lots of magic comes through other people, but there’s plenty of magic that comes from somewhere else entirely! Second, I wanted him to know that he could now be part of making magic.
So then the question became, “How do we mark this transition?”
My first thought was that he was crossing a bridge out of the world of childhood and into adulthood. So I made a drawing of a boy crossing a bridge. Inside the drawing I tucked a letter.
This is what it said:
Dear AJ,
Today you crossed one of the many bridges on the journey from the world of the child to the world of the adult. You have found out that magic sometimes comes through ordinary people.
This is an important discovery, but please do not think that you have learned all there is about magic. Crossing this bridge means that you are ready to begin to apprentice a lifelong study of the true nature of magic.
What you need to know now is that some people who cross this bridge think that magic doesn’t exist at all. They become skeptical. This is a danger you will have to watch out for.
The second thing to know is that you can now make magic. Learning to do this will give you and those around you great joy.
Now that you have crossed this bridge, you may have to look a bit harder to find the magic in the world, but know this: those who don’t believe in magic will never find it, while those who look and expect to see magic will find it everywhere.
After dinner the drawing and letter were at the table. After he read it, we had a lovely conversation about what real magic was and where we’d seen it happen. We talked about the magic that comes through other people, and the magic that comes from somewhere else. We talked about how much fun it is when the magic moves through you to touch someone else. And we gave AJ a notebook so that he could remember some of the magic he’s been witness to.
It’s probably too soon to tell, but so far this is looking like a high-five moment.
How have you handled these ‘moments of truth’ as a mom? Please share your stories in the comments!
I’m taking next week off- so we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming after Thanksgiving.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Liz,
This is gorgeous. And, I must say, I myself feel “Mommed” in just the right combination of guidance and letting go. Thank you.
I think your son is very lucky.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Lori
@Lori- Thanks so much. Finding that delicate balance between guiding and letting go is the constant challenge of parenting- and life! Happy Thanksgiving to you as well!
Absolutely beautiful. If it’s OK, I think I will copy and use large chunks of your letter for when the tooth fairy around here loses her wings — and of course I’ll include full copyright info for you at the bottom.
(She hasn’t come on the scene yet, but son just turned five so we’ll likely make her acquaintance in the next year.)
You handled this great. I remember when I learned there was no Santa (I was in the 2nd grade and was reading one of my mom’s magazines for some reason). I wish I would’ve had received a similar letter and conversation because it truly was traumatic for me. (I was outraged, actually.) What a wonderful way to infuse more magic instead of losing it.
Happy Thanksgiving!
@Emily-Sarah, Please use as much or as little of this as you wish. I always love hearing how other moms have handled these ‘delicate’ situations because I learn so much.
Too bad about the whole Santa thing. Outrage seems appropriate for such a rude shock! You’d think somewhere in the mommy manual there would be a chapter on this wouldn’t you?
Interestingly, AJ has not shown any inclination to doubt Santa’s existence as a result of this little episode. Just today he was discussing his plan to sleep on the couch so that he could catch him!
Wow! When we reach this point with our children, I hope I can do as well. Thanks for the inspiration.
this is beyond beautiful.
i’m in tears.
thank you for sharing this.
.-= wendy´s last blog ..Making Merry =-.
Liz – thank you so very much for this posting. I think it will help me prepare for this same discussion within the next six months (maybe sooner!) and the grace you have shown, and shared, will be magnified as others like me share this magic with our children. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
My oldest son was in 4th grade last year when he asked me about sex – not how babies are made but about sex because the other boys in school (in the 4th grade!) are always talking about it. I gave him a book with the preamble that it will contain some of the strangest information he’d ever read and that we would talk about it the following day. It was a fairly short book expaining sex from God’s viewpoint; that it is a gift between a married couple. Anyway, he read it and we talked and continue to talk whenever he has a question. I was very honest about everything and told him that I was sorry he had to learn about such an adult topic at such a young age but that I would always honor him with honesty. Now whether or not he still believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy are still up in the air, but he at least pretends that he does and hasn’t asked otherwise (he has a little brother.) I have thought about how I will handle it when he does ask and my approach will be much the same as yours. Magic happens when you choose to believe in it.
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