It’s probably no surprise given the teleclass I’ve been working on, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how and where we plant the seeds of change in our lives.  So often it seems like we think of all the things that are ‘wrong’ with us.  Things we’d like to ‘improve.’   And although I’m not opposed to changing something if it’s not working for you,  it seems like we spend far too much time focusing on what we lack, what we don’t do well, the ways we’re not enough.

Today I thought I’d offer a little perspective shift courtesy of Barbara Sher.

Just in case you didn’t know, Barbara Sher is one of my very favorite self-helpy writers.  I fell in love with her after reading the title (just the title!) of her book

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What it Was.

Finally someone understood!

Since then I’ve acquired most of her other books.  Contrary to my approach with most books of this sort, I actually DO the exercises.  And I use them (sometimes in modified form) with clients and in classes.

I like them because of the way they turn my perspective on it’s head.

And best of all, they’re fun.

One of my very favorites comes from her book Wishcraft.

The question is:  In what imaginary environment would your best self emerge?

The idea here is to cast reality aside and imagine the people, places, things, support systems etc. that would allow you to be at your very best, doing the things you like to do most.

Here’s my favorite part of this whole thing:

“Let the environment do the work for you” means don’t change yourself in this fantasy.  Above all, don’t improve yourself.  Improve the world so that your characteristics stop being problems… If you’re disorganized, or you need a lot of love, or you’re shy, or you tend to procrastinate, don’t think of these things as “weaknesses” that need changing.  Think of them as design problems…

Holy paradigm-shift, Batman!

I have to say, I love doing this exercise and I love giving it to students in my classes.  We have a ton of fun coming up with all kinds of ingenious ways to address our various ‘design problems’ and what our lives look like in this ideal environment.

Here’s what I came up with thinking about this recently:

Liz’s Ideal Environment

To be my  very best self as a mom:

• My actual physical environment is pretty darn good as is.  I love where we live- close enough to the mountains to see and feel their beauty, but not so close that the weather is a pain.  Our house is just about the right size.  I’d add an office with a door that I could close, and perhaps an outside entrance so clients could come in without going through the whole house.   And while I’m wishing, I’ll put us up on a hill so we could see the mountains from every room.
• There would be a flock of pile-picker-uppers that would follow me around and pick up things as I drop them.  (I’m imagining a Disney-esque scene of birds happily swooping down to pick up my pjs after I drop them on the bathroom floor and tucking them neatly under my pillow and so forth.)
• The laundry fairies would take care of all the laundry.  (Full disclosure: currently this role is being played by my darling husband.  No wings, but he keeps us all in clean undies.  I love him for this!)
• We would have a family of very tidy helper mice who scurry to clear any forgotten dishes from the dinner table, and clear the crumbs from the floor.
• There would be an extremely efficient administrative assistant who would handle paper- all paper.  Bills, permission slips, insurance renewals, forms of all sorts would be her department.  She would also remind me of upcoming birthdays, special events etc.  I don’t think I’d want her to do the shopping for cards or gifts (although she would if I asked!)  Every now and then she would hand me a pile of things to sign and get them to where they needed to be well before birthdays were over, deadlines missed or payments late.  She files things.  And can find them again.  (I can do one or the other, but not both!)
• Rosie (from the Jetsons) would take care of the hard core cleaning.
• I enjoy food shopping and meal prep most of the time, but I would have a messenger-boy to dash to the store when I realize I’m missing something.
• Some very playful, sweet, puppy-ish creature would be responsible for herding my son through the morning and evening routine so I don’t have to be the drill-sergeant.

In this environment, I spend more time with my son and husband without feeling like there’s always something I’m supposed to be doing.  I’m able to just hang out with my son while he does legos or builds a contraption with duct tape and cardboard.  These are the times he talks about what’s hard at school or what’s going on with his friends.  I give him my full attention much more of the time.  I’m a nicer mommy because I’m not quite so stressed out over the little things (that become a problem if they aren’t handled!).  My husband and I aren’t grumbling at each other about household chores and instead of spending the weekends cleaning, we go hiking or skiing or to a museum or something.

To be my very best self in my work:

• In addition to my office at home, I’d like to have a place where I could go to find other people who were interested in what I’m doing and willing to talk, share, give feedback, be guinea pigs, etc.  (A lot like the Kitchen Table- but live and in person!)
• There would be nice open areas with whiteboards and sofas.
• A classroom always available for me to teach classes or do workshops.
• Good coffee and tea.
• And snacks!
• The people in that space would be honest, but very gentle.  Constructive in their comments, and genuinely eager to see me succeed.   And I could help them do their thing too.
• A dream-team of advisors, consultants and coaches at my disposal.  Havi, Charlie, and Naomi would be there for sure!
• Somewhere in there would be a Dave Navarro type to kick my ass when I needed it.
• I’d have Patti Digh on speed dial as well.
• Another (or perhaps the same) administrative assistant to keep track of the paper and logistical stuff for the biz end of things.  She would make sure things were in place for all my classes, workshops, etc.  And that I had everything I needed.  Needless to say, she would handle all billing, expense reports, taxes, and so forth.  Competently and with integrity.
• Tech support!  I’m imagining some friendly robot/droid type thing to do computer-y stuff.  The kind that does what I want it to do (not necessarily what I tell it to do!)  Or (only if I wanted!) tell me how to do it in a way that didn’t make me feel stupid.
• Someone at my beck and call to pretty up my documents, workbooks, brochures, flyers, etc.
• And 1000 true fans.  And I don’t mean paying clients (though those are great too!).  This is all the moms who read the blog, leave comments and tell their friends.  It’s all those who love what I have to offer and use it to make their lives bigger and better than ever.  Women whose very existence inspires me to think, write, learn, teach, laugh and cry.

In this kind of environment, I  spend my days creating awesome things- courses, workshops, books, etc. to make the lives of moms better.   I have enthusiastic people to work with and I get to do the things I’m good at and  like to do, and I don’t have to do the things that are hard for me or make me crazy.  But even more than that, I know that I’m always doing my very best work and I don’t have to worry that I’m letting my unique set of talents, skills, education, experience and whatever else I have to offer the world go unexpressed.  I feel such immense satisfaction and gratitude because by touching the lives of moms, I’m helping to make the world a better place through all the lives each of these women affects.

See how much fun that is?

Re-framing ‘weaknesses’ and identifying strengths is a key part of what we’ll be doing in the Planting the Seeds of Change teleclass next week.  You can read all about it and register here.

You can play along even before the teleclass happens.

Tell us what your ideal environment would look like.  What happens when you shift ‘weaknesses’ into design challenges?  What would you include to make things exactly right for you just as you are?  (There are plenty of laundry fairies to go around!)  And perhaps most importantly, what will that environment be supporting you to do?

Please share in the comments!

Well it’s no surprise that last week flew by.   Coming back to my life after a big break felt really good, despite all the catching up there was to do.  Doing this review on Monday may take a little getting used to, and I can feel that there’s another category that I’m going to want if I’m doing this post on Mondays so check out the Moving Forward section below.

Do-Overs…

Did we really need this???

This week there was a flood in my son’s classroom building.  Our beloved teacher showed up on Tuesday morning to a busted hot-water heater and a few inches of water in the building that the 3^rd and 4^th grades share.   Instead of dashing home and catching up on all the stuff I had to do at home, I spent a couple of hours helping to move desks and chairs to another classroom while some of the dads scooped water out the door with snow shovels.

I started sorting out a stack of paintings and drawings that had gotten wet.  As much as I would have liked to leave these for later, the paint was turning to glue as it dried and the paintings were in immanent danger of permanent damage.  Since there was no place to put them at school, I brought them home.  My husband helped me string some clothesline in the basement and I hung all I could.  By the time it was all said and done, the basement was filled with about 4 rows of clothesline and papers spread all over the floor.

I’m now adding ‘art restoration’ to my mommy resume.

More re-entry time

I alluded to this in Friday’s blog, and I’m adding it here just to remind myself.  When returning from vacation/retreat/time away for any reason, allow more re-entry time than you think you need.   Even just to delete 100 emails takes time.  Never mind those that need attention.

I’m still playing catch-up on some fronts, but I’m getting there!

The sooner you ask for help, the sooner you get it…

Sooner or later I’m really gonna get this one figured out!  I was all ready to go with my teleclass except for the little matter of figuring out how the payment process works.  I buy stuff online all the time and it usually looks so easy- you hit the ‘buy now’ button, enter the info, and like magic, you get an e-book, an audio, or something cool sent to your house.  But it was taking me awhile to figure out how to get all the pieces to fit together and play nicely.

This stuff was giving me fits.  I didn’t want to screw it up and either a) confuse or annoy some lovely person who wanted to sign up for my class.  Or b) look like an idiot who didn’t know how to configure a payment process.

Well guess what….  Not wanting to look like an idiot meant that I spent way too much time circling round on my own when help (nice help!  not scary expensive help!) was available.

Finally I checked in with Wendy Cholbi, who talked me through the whole thing and checked out my checkout process.  She’s a gem!   And now I have a teleclass I can offer.  Yay!

Which brings us directly to:

High-Fives

Teleclass!!

Seeds of Change is live and open for registrations.  You can read all about it here!

Workshop!

This one is still under development, but I’m very excited about the live workshop I’ve got planned for the end of the month here in Colorado.  It will be based on the ideas and suggestions in this post:  Plans, Planning and the Illusion of Control.

Systems are the bomb!

Ever since taking Cairene MacDonald’s Organic Business Manual class, I’ve been a binder freak and a systems apprentice.  You can read about the beginnings of this obsession here.

Here’s the thing.  Buying the binders is easy.  I think I’m up to 6 or 7 by now.  Using them is a whole other thing.  But here’s what’s so cool.   As I’m busting my butt learning how to configure payment processing and getting all the pieces to play nicely together, I’m taking notes like crazy so I don’t have to suffer like this the next time (and yes, I’m planning on there being a next time!) I want to do this.  And the beauty of it all is that I have a place to put these notes so I’ll be able to find them when I need them.

This, my friends, is nothing short of magic.

And as I’m creating more workshops, classes and other cool stuff, I have a place to put things.  Whether its my notes for works in progress, or finished workbooks or information about the facilities I might want to use, I have a place for this stuff.  Where I can find it. (This is the part I still find just a little unbelievable.)

Other fun things….

Even though there’s still snow on the ground in some places, spring is definitely in the air.  We’re at the time of year when we need the heater for the morning drive too school and the A/C for the afternoon drive home.

AJ is loving hockey and I’m coming around.  He played a full game in goal on Sunday and had a blast.  Having never seen the goalie padding procedure, I was amused to see the kids lie face down on top of the shin pads while the dads buckled them in.

I’ve been guzzling homemade Chai tea by the potful  since I got the recipe from Real Simple magazine last month.  Here it is if you’re interested:

Easy Chai Tea

8 cardamom seeds

8 cloves

4 black peppercorns

2 cinnamon sticks

1 1-inch piece fresh ginger, sliced

2 C whole milk

4 bags black tea

8 t sugar (or to taste)

Place cardamom, cloves and peppercorns in a plastic bag and crush with a heavy skillet.

Place crushed spices, cinnamon sticks, ginger milk and 2 cups water in a medium saucepan; bring to a boil.  Remove from heat, add tea bags, cover and let steep for 10 minutes.

Strain into cups.  Add sweetener to taste.

Notes:  I prefer to leave out the peppercorns.  I also ran out of cinnamon sticks, so I used a healthy dash of ground cinnamon instead.  It worked fine.  You can use decaf tea if you want.

I prefer agave to sugar for sweetener.

If you don’t drink it all in one sitting, strain the leftovers into a glass jar and refrigerate.

Moving Forward

Monday might be my favorite day… weird I know.  But it’s so full of possibilities!

So here’s my list of things I’m looking forward to for this week:

• Getting the word out about Planting the Seeds of Change.  It’s going to be a blast and I hope lots of folks are able to come play with me.
• Putting the finishing touches on the workshop.
• Oy!  It’s deadline week for the paper, so I’ll be busy interviewing and writing…  this may impact my availability for the above!
• Book club Friday night!  We’re reading Loving Frank by Nancy Horan.  Juicy, juicy story.  Can’t wait to talk about the hard choices people make between obligation and passion, commitments to self vs. commitments to others… the duties and privileges of the ‘great artist.’  Like I said… juicy stuff!

So now it’s your turn!

Got anything you’d like to do-over from last week?  Anything you’d like to celebrate with a high-five?  What about moving forward?  What are you looking forward to in the week to come?

Please share in the comments!

And don’t forget to check out Seeds of Change Teleclass!

Well I’m so glad I let myself off the hook as far as posting for the end of February.  But I’ve been feeling like a neglectful blog-parent all week.

I forgot how much is involved in re-entry.  And it’s not just digging through the mountains of email or phone messages to be returned (especially when you disappear for your birthday!).  It’s plugging back into all the pieces of my life.  What’s in the fridge?  How’s the toilet paper situation?  What’s going on at school?  Anything I need to know about?  My son is nearing the end of this book in his violin lessons.  Have we scheduled the book 2 test (and subsequent dinner out)?  I have to catch up on all the details of daily life that are usually second nature.  And somehow I forget that this takes time.

Part of the problem getting back to the blog is that I have so much to write about, it’s hard to know where to start.  I call it ‘idea indigestion.’  I have posts in mind on the power of retreat as a reset button.  My experience of practicing a day of silence during retreat.  Why I knit on retreat illustrated with pictures of some of the  knitting I did while I was away.   And I’m sure there’s more.

But the real reason I haven’t been posting to the blog this week is that I’ve been picking up the pieces of things I was working on before I left town.  The first is a teleclass for moms whose new year’s resolutions have lost their resolve.  Really it’s for anyone who’d like to use the inspiration of Spring to fuel her dreams and goals.  This class will focus on choosing your seeds wisely (Never mind that everybody raves about how easy zucchini is to grow.  If you don’t like zucchini, why would you plant it?)

We’ll also talk about where to plant your seeds.  Only a masochistic gardener would choose the shady, rocky corner of their yard to plant in.  It’s a lot easier to grow things in the sunny spots.  So we’ll talk about the sunny spots of your life, where you really shine.  And think about how to use your strengths and skills, instead of focusing on where you need ‘improvement.’

The live class will be on Tuesday, March 16, 2010

9am Pacific/ 10am Mountain/ 11am Central/ 12 pm Eastern

Read more about Planting the Seeds of Change Teleclass

That’s all for now…  It’s good to be back and I’ll fill you in on the other big project next week!

As you may or may not have noticed, my grand plan to post on Tuesdays and Fridays has about half worked.

My record for Tuesdays is pretty good.  Sometimes the post isn’t up until Wednesday, but generally speaking I’ve managed to get some kind of (hopefully interesting or informative) content up.

Fridays have been a bit of a crapshoot.  Some weeks I manage, some weeks not so much.  And I’m torn.  Because I love the idea of taking a moment at the end of the week to reflect on what went well, and what was hard.  Havi was my role model here, and I love the Friday Chicken.  I love seeing Havi’s week in review, but I also love that so many other people chime in as well.  I can tell it’s a useful ritual.

So WHY has it been such a struggle for me to post on Fridays?  The posts themselves aren’t really all that hard to write.  They aren’t research papers fercryingoutloud.  It really shouldn’t be that hard, I said to myself last week (after missing another Friday).

Hmmmm……

Should is a word that gets my attention whether I hear it from myself or a client.  It’s a cue to ask nosy questions, like “oh really?”  and “who says?” And what about that nasty tone of voice?  Maybe a warning signal that there’s maybe just a tiny bit of judgment or meanness happening.

So when I heard myself thinking these thoughts and hearing that tone I got curious.

And then I took a good look at my days.  It turns out that the end of the week is really loaded with what I call ‘fixed commitments.’  Stuff that doesn’t move around.  Towards the end of the week, I don’t really have many hours available for writing.

Ah…. So maybe this is why the Friday posts don’t happen easily.  There’s not really space for them.  It’s like I’m trying to pour 12 ounces of liquid into a 10 ounce container.  Something is always spilling out.

Warning: Philosophical reflection ahead

Kant is generally credited with articulating the notion that “ought implies can” which is to say that if someone is obligated to do something, then it must be the case that it is possible for them to do so.  This idea is easier to grasp if we invert it:  if it is impossible for someone to do something (like be two places at once, stop a speeding train, pour 12 ounces of liquid into a 10 ounce container, etc.) then it’s not the case that they ought to do so.

I had set up a situation for myself where I was obligated (by virtue of making a commitment) to do something that (under the circumstances) was impossible.

Interesting observation…  so what to do?

Back to practical matters…

As I see it now, here are my choices:

1. Keep my vision of posting on Fridays.
2. Cancel/reschedule one or more of the fixed commitments at the end of the week.
3. Change my posting schedule.

Option one looks like a recipe for continual stress.  Either I squeeze something in where it doesn’t really fit, or I don’t manage to post and feel like I’m failing to keep my commitments.  Whether or not anyone else notices or cares, if I’ve made a commitment, it feels icky not to keep it.  When I don’t manage to post on Friday, I’m stressed until I manage to get something up on Saturday or Sunday.

If it doesn’t happen over the weekend, by Monday, the urgency has dissipated because I’ve given up.  It’s time at that point to focus my attention on Tuesday’s post.

But the gremlins who live in my head are always keeping score.  And they’re back there saying, ‘Yup.  You blew it again.  You can never stick to your schedule can you?” and all kinds of other mean things.  And frankly, I’m tired of giving them this ammunition.  They seem not to have read Kant, or else they think I’m just making lame excuses!

In any event, I’m always cleaning up spills.

Option two is certainly possible, but not very appealing.  I’m actually pretty happy with all of these fixed commitments.  Some are work-related appointments, some are mental health things like my yoga class on Friday mornings.  I could give up yoga, and have on occasion when something really pressing comes up, but I don’t really want to.  I’ve made the choice several times to go to yoga rather than write the post for Friday, and I’m happy with those decisions.  If it comes down to it, I’ll continue to make the same one.

Which brings us to option three.  I really like the notion of recapping the week on Friday.  But it’s not working out quite like I’d imagined or hoped.  And I made up the schedule, so I’m empowered to change it.  When I remind myself that this is all a grand experiment and a constant work in progress, I can let go of the ‘shoulds’ and try something new.

So here’s my new posting schedule (subject to change without notice!):

I still like the idea of having a space to publicly declare my successes and opportunities for learning, so I’m not ditching the Do-Overs and High-Fives.

They will move to Mondays.

Wednesday will be the day to look for juicy content of some other sort.

And in keeping with my newly revived commitment not to commit to things that are impossible, these new commitments will begin in March.  I’m on vacation/retreat for most of the next two weeks, and will be largely and then completely unplugged until then.

I reserve the right to post something when/if I manage it, but not to feel guilty if I don’t!

So the official version of Do-Overs and High-Fives for this week is :

I need a Do-Over on my schedule for the Do-Overs.

High-five for figuring this out and not continuing to beat myself up for trying to do the impossible (or at least improbable!)

How about you?  Got anything you’d like to do-over from this week (or beyond)?  Any High-Fives?

Philosophical reflection: have you ever gotten yourself in a situation in which you were obligated to do the impossible?  What then?

Please play along in the comments!

Fall down seven times and stand up eight

Japanese proverb

We went skiing this weekend and I was thinking back on my short-lived career as a ski instructor.  Jus t so you know, I learned to ski at 40.  I’m not even close to being an expert skier- but I am a great teacher.

I was especially good at teaching adult beginners because (unlike some of the twenty-something hotshots) I could actually remember what it was like not to know how to ski.  I could relate to the fear and anxiety that were mixed in with their excitement and desire to learn.

Everyone always says that kids always learn to ski much faster than adults, to the delight of the children and the grudging admiration of their parents.  There are many reasons why this is so, but let me give you my theory.

The biggest reason it’s easier for children to learn to ski than adults is that until they’re about 12 or so, they aren’t afraid to fall.

It sounds simple, but that really is the biggest difference between kids and grownups on skis.

Grownups really don’t want to fall.

They don’t want to get hurt, but more than that, they don’t want to look stupid.

Kids aren’t really worried about getting hurt, and they don’t have the same self-consciousness that makes grownups constantly concerned about what others think of us.

I know that falling for a kid is way different than falling for an adult, but let’s try to make a few distinctions to understand why.

On the purely physical level, they are closer to the ground to start with, so they don’t have as far to fall.  A child’s bones and joints have much more give in them than an adult’s, so they are actually less likely to be injured from a similar fall.  Kids bounce.  Adults (sometimes) break.  And if we do get injured, it’s a real bummer because recovery time is much longer for adults.  I’m still surprised by how long it takes some things to heal now that I’m past 40.  It sucks!

All of which is to say, I get it.

But it seems to me that we adults are even more worried about the second possibility.  Even if you don’t get hurt in a fall, you might look stupid.  And this is where the objective reality of aging bodies is irrelevant.  As grownups, we’re used to being in control of things.  We learned to walk so long ago that the thought of slipping and falling on our bums is more threatening to our dignity than to our tailbones.

There were times I couldn’t even get someone to sit on the snow so I could show them how to stand up again.  Needless to say, they usually didn’t stick around for long.

We like to project ourselves as calm, cool and collected.  We are competent and in control.  Except that before we’ve mastered something, it’s pretty messy.  Awkward.  We make mistakes and it’s not always pretty.

And this is where children really have the advantage on adult learners.  They’re used to not being too good at things.  They’re in situations all the time that show them just how much they don’t know.

I’m talking school, music lessons, sports teams, social interactions, overhearing adult conversations, etc, etc.

If you think about it, a child’s day is filled with not knowing, and not being able.  And it’s not like they don’t get frustrated.  Of course they do.  But it’s such a constant experience, that they don’t let it stop them from learning.

The paradox of adult learners

I hear grownups say all the time that they love learning new things.  But what they really mean is that they love having one more thing that they know, or that they’re good at doing.

But learning something new means that you will be bad at it, at least for a while.  This might be a short while, or a long while, but it really can’t be helped.  Most adults I know (including me!) don’t really enjoy this phase of the learning process because it challenges our sense of competence.  But if we aren’t willing to fall down, how can we learn to stand up again?

The sad thing is that this stops us more often than we realize.

How many things do you not do, not try, not start, because you’re worried about looking stupid?  Because you’re worried what ‘they’ (the great mythical they who watches over your every move!) will think?

Is there anything you’re good at being bad at?  Please share in the comments!

For a couple of years now, I’ve been going on week-long retreats with a group of women.  The leaders are two of the wisest women I know, teachers and friends for decades, and the participants are their students.  It’s a lovely blend of eastern and western teachings, practices and processing.  And lots of down time.  Resting, soaking in the hot springs, and deep conversations.  In a couple of weeks, I’ll be on my way to my fifth of these retreats.

Five times I’ve left my family to spend a week at a hot springs.  And no, I don’t have a live-in nanny.  Or buckets of cash lying around.  A couple of years ago, I would never have imagined I could do this even once, never mind five times.

In fact, when I first heard that my favorite teacher and her colleague were gathering a group of women for a retreat at the hot springs, I was filled with longing and envy.

I wanted to go so badly, I could taste it.

But there was no way.  To be gone from my family for almost a whole week?  No way.  And to spend that kind of money?  No way.  That’s all there was to it.  But then I heard other women in our community talking about going.  They were moms.  Some of them even had more than one kid.  Or a husband who travelled.  None of them seemed to be that much better off financially than our family.  So how come they got to go and I didn’t?

Simple.

They decided to go.  And then they figured out how to make it happen.  They called in the grandparents.  Or Dad worked from home a couple of afternoons after he picked up the kids.  They arranged playdates and put dinners in the freezer.  They decided that the retreat was more important than new clothes, new drapes or a weekend skiing.  I don’t really know.  But they decided.

It started to look like a remote possibility, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high, so I just mentioned in casual conversation with my husband that this really cool thing was happening, and maybe someday I’d like to go.  He was really sweet and said, “Well if you really want to go, we can probably figure something out.”  After confirming that he wasn’t travelling that week it began to look like the logistics might work, but there was still the money issue.

The retreat was scheduled for right after my birthday, so I asked my mom if she’d consider sponsoring my retreat as a birthday gift.  With her usual enthusiastic generosity, she agreed immediately.  “I’d much rather give you this experience than give you a THING” was what she said.

Wow.  I was really going to get to do this thing.  Unbelievable.  And it was.  I had never spent such a spacious week.  It was full of laughter, tears, heartbreaking insights and new inspirations.

I’ve since made a habit of these retreats.  They happen twice a year, and so far, I’ve managed to make every one.

When I got back last time, my mom said to me, “I’m imagining you with a cosmic tan.” And that was the best description I could have ever come up with.

Am I extremely fortunate?

Yes.

Indulgent?

Perhaps.

Self-centered?

You bet.  And in the best possible way.

Here’s the thing I’ve discovered about retreats.  It’s partly about what you don’t do.  I don’t even have to think about food.  It shows up and is delicious.  And then someone else washes the dishes.  No little piles of things that need to be cleaned, put away, handled, mailed, returned, etc. etc.  No email to check.  For a few days, the only person I’m responsible for is myself.  Letting go of the schedules, the routines, the rushing around is delicious.

But it’s not just about what you don’t do.  At the last retreat, a mom of four said, “If all I did was sleep late, soak in the pools and have someone cook for me, that would be lovely, but it wouldn’t be as nurturing as what we’re doing.”

What makes a retreat different from a vacation is that it’s more than just stepping outside your usual routines.  At its best, a retreat puts back some of what you give out all the time.

It’s not that there’s no schedule, but it’s a different schedule.  It’s not a week of doing nothing, but a time of doing things that replenish instead of deplete.  In the retreats that I’ve done, it’s meditation, chi kung, dreamwork, cosmic dance and more.  These are all different ways of tapping into whatever you want to call the limitless source of energy, inspiration, abundance, and love.

That’s why I say they are self-centered in the best possible way.  Not because they center on the self, but because they help me center myself.   They bring me back to the center of myself.

My next retreat is at the end of the month, and I’m already looking forward to the renewal and fresh insights that I always bring home.  My cosmic tan…

Virtual Comfort Retreat

But before that one comes around, there’s another retreat that I’m looking forward to, and you can come along on this one.

It’s a virtual retreat. (No travel!  No packing!  Play along at home in your jammies!)

This one is being offered by the amazing Jen Lauden the Comfort Queen.   When I first heard about it, I was intrigued by the thought of a virtual retreat, but not really sure it could possibly be as rejuvenating as the ones at the hot springs.

But when I got a look at the list of people she has lined up for this one… well let me tell you, I changed my mind in a hurry.  First up is Patti Digh. PATTI DIGH! Honestly, that was all it took.  A chance to listen to Patti Digh, live and in person (and then to have the recording, so I can listen to Patti Digh whenever I want to?!)  That was it.  I was in.

And then I read down the list.  Hiro Boga and Fabeku doing their thing together?  I’ve heard Hiro, and I’ve heard Fabeku.  Both are awesome in their own right.  But I can’t wait to hear what they’ve got planned together.

And how about using the tools of improv comedy in everyday life?  Given how much moms have to improvise every single day, and how we dance on the line that divides comedy from tragedy… I can’t wait to hear this one.

Intrigued?  You can read all about it here Jennifer Lauden’s 2010 Virtual Comfort Retreat.

Early bird registration ends this week, so save yourself $50 and sign up before Feb. 5.

Note: the link above is an affiliate link.  If enough of you register, it’ll help fund my retreat.  But seriously, I’d be shouting from the rooftops about this one anyway.   I’ve already registered, because I’m so sure it’s going to be worth every penny.

You could certainly spend next weekend ‘doing nothing,’ but if you really need to fill the well, hanging out with the amazing crowd Jen has lined up will probably do the trick much better.

Hope to see (hear?) you there!

Wow, it’s been a week….  It was so front-loaded that by the time Wednesday rolled around, I could hardly believe that Monday was only two days ago.  And then the next thing I knew it was Friday and so by Sunday, I finally got this post published!

I’m not sure I’ll ever understand the workings of the space-time continuum!  But regardless of whether I understand it or not, some groovy (and not some groovy) stuff happened in the space of this week.  So here goes the weekly round up:

Do-Overs

I’m getting sleepy… very sleepy…

After last week’s minor cold I was feeling better by the first of the week.  Which was a good thing since I was plugging away like mad getting ready for my workshop on Tuesday…  but by Wednesday, all I wanted to do was have a nap.

So I did.

On Wednesday, and Thursday and Friday.

But I was still soooo tired.  Saturday when I woke up with a cough, I was almost relieved, because it told me that I wasn’t just being a total lazy bum.   My body had been trying to fight something off, with marginal success.

So now I have a little cough, a little sinus action, a little crud.  No big deal, but I’ll be glad when it’s all cleared out of my system.

Was there anything I could have done?

I’m not sure if this really falls into the category of a do-over, but I’m wondering if there was anything I could have done to affect a difficult situation in my son’s class.  One of his classmates withdrew from the school this week, and it’s left me feeling sad and wondering if I missed a chance to do something to help the situation.

Like many moms I know, I toggle back and forth between delusions of omnipotence and the certainty that sometimes it only takes one person to make a difference.  In this circumstance, I feel like I did the best I could with the information at hand, and the do-over is that I might have had my finger a little more on the pulse of things.  Would it have mattered?  Who knows.  But it’s been on my mind.

Don’t sweat the small stuff…

Don’t you hate it when you have a really stupid fight?  Ugghhh… Let’s just leave it at that.

Moving on…

High Fives!

Wooo hooo!  It was a great week for high-fives!  Top of the list has to be

Workshop Fun!

The workshop I did on Tuesday was a blast.  We were a small, but enthusiastic group and I think all the women there came away with some shifted perspective on themselves, their goals and the tools they had to get them there.  Turns out the set-up wasn’t really conducive to using the playlist you guys helped me create, but I’m keeping it for future reference.  And there were pastries!  Mmm…..

If you want a little taste of the fun we had, stay tuned… I’ll be offering a teleclass in a couple of weeks!

Class kicks… well you know!

I’m loving the moms in my Life Long Learning Class.  They’re so happy to hear that they aren’t the only ones struggling to manage all the details of family life, never mind having a life of their own.   This week we talked about the paradox of choice and how more choice doesn’t necessarily lead to more happiness.  We watched Barry Schwartz’s TED Talk and so can you!

A house full of musicians!

Most of the credit goes to my DH on this one, but last night our school had a spaghetti supper fundraiser.  They were asking for students to perform music during the dinner and so my sweetie managed to get 11 of the fourth graders on board.  (I think the milkshake bribe was key!)

We had 5 cellists upstairs and 6 violinists downstairs for about 45 minutes to choose songs and rehearse.  It was insanely a little chaotic for a while there, but when they played their selections for each other right before we packed up to go to the dinner it was really lovely.  I think the parents got a kick out of the whole thing as well.  I’m ready to do it again, if we can find a suitable excuse.

Random unrelated stuff…

I’m still loving our new shower.

Book club!  After years of wanting a book club, I stumbled into the right conversation at school early in January.  A group of moms was talking about starting a book club, and with my usual low key approach (!) blurted out, “Oooh!  I want to come!”  We picked our first book on the spot and finally had our first meeting on Friday.  It was just as much fun as I was hoping/expecting.

And despite my initial concerns, I think I could come to like watching hockey.  I’m still not crazy about standing out in the cold, and I clearly need a bigger mug for my tea.  (I run out before the first period is even over!)  But watching the kids play is really fun.  Even at 10, some of these kids are really good skaters.  Even though AJ isn’t one of them yet, he’s having a blast and is beginning to get the hang of it.  Every week he’s eager for more.

That’s about it for me, but how about you?  Got anything you’d like to do-over from this week?  Any high-fives to celebrate?

Please share in the comments!

This post is late because I was teaching a workshop yesterday morning and we had a blast!  One of the women brought this poem and it was just too good not to share…

God Says Yes To Me

Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don’t paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I’m telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

What would you do if you knew God would say yes?

Please share in the comments!

It’s been a busy week, but a good one around here.  Only a couple of do-overs, and quite a few high-fives….

Do-Overs:

Still putting too much on my to-do lists

This is a recurring issue, I know… but there it is.  I really thought I’d scaled it back to the big things, and those all happened, but then all the stuff that I forget about writing down, but that still needs to be done creeps in.

And it doesn’t help that I was feeling just a little under the weather for a few days.  Not bad enough to really stop, but enough so that I’m not as sharp and on top of things as usual.

Salt + Sugar = one big mess…

Case in point…  My salt shaker was empty, so I was going to refill it.  I pulled the sugar canister off the shelf so I could get to the box of salt behind it.  Completely without thinking, I opened the sugar canister and proceeded to dump approximately a cup of salt into the sugar.  If it had been closer to April, I might have passed this off as an April Fool’s joke… but alas no.  Instead I dumped the whole white granulated mess into the sink.  And put sugar on my shopping list.

Meal plans?  What meal plans?

This one has definitely gone down the tubes this week.  It’s been a perfect storm of confounding factors.   What with a holiday on Monday, optional hockey practice for AJ on Tuesday, regularly scheduled hockey practice on Wednesday, me out Tuesday night at choir rehearsal, out Wednesday night teaching class in Boulder, not feeling great Thursday and music assembly tonight… it’s not been a banner week for meal planning or cooking and eating at home.  I vow next week will be better!  It certainly couldn’t be worse.

High Fives:

Class for Busy Moms!

My class in Boulder is fantastic.  There are only three women registered, and there was some debate about whether it would run or not.  In the end we decided to run it and I’m so glad.  They are three of my exact right people.  Fantastic, creative, committed moms who (used to) think there was something wrong with them because they couldn’t do it all.  Oh boy are we going to have a good time!

New tile!

In one of the classic examples of scope creep, we wanted to replace an old, cracking shower liner.  Instead, we ended up hiring someone to tile it.  Like any home improvement project, this one cost more than expected and involved way too many trips to the hardware store but I love it.  There are still a few details to be finished, but I’m so tickled I can hardly stand it.  I may even attempt to get some artwork in there before long.

Workshop launched!  People are coming!

It’s been a while in the making, but I finally got it together to get the word out about my workshop next week.  And I’m so thrilled that people have been registering.  There are still a few slots open, but if you’re in the neighborhood and want to come, please sign up soon.  I’d hate for you to miss out!

I’ve been having a blast coming up with the materials- it’s really hard to decide what to leave out!  It’s going to be a good time and I can’t wait to let you know next week exactly how it all went down.

That’s about it for me-  how about you?  Got anything you wish you could do-over from this week?  Anything worth celebrating with a high-five?

Let us know in the comments!

What’s  on your power playlist?  Your soundtrack for rockin’ days?

Today on the blog I’m asking for your help.  I’ve got a workshop coming up here in Colorado next week, and I’m collecting suggestions for musical accompaniment.

The theme for the workshop is Play To Your Strengths, so I scanned through my music collection looking for songs that make me feel strong, energized and ready to take on the world.

Here’s what I found:

Aretha Franklin- Respect What can you say about this one?  The ultimate women’s power song in my book!

Billy Joel- Only Human Helps me remember that mistakes are not the end of the world.

Bruce Springsteen- Born to Run Gets me fired up for almost anything.  I crank this one good and loud for housecleaning!

David Bowie- Changes Reminds me that life is always changing, and it’s ok.  Turn and face the strange!

David Buble- Feeling Good After the November election, this and the REM song below were running through my mind for days.  Another reminder that change can be good.

BoDeans- Closer  to Free A bright bouncy song about what everyone really wants.

Dixie Chicks- Long Way Around It may take me a while, but I always get where I’m going!

Handel- Allelulia When I’m in a mood for classical inspiration, it doesn’t get much better than this.

India.Arie- Strenghth, Courage and Wisdom What a trio of qualities to channel all at once!

John Gorka- Good Noise “Although silence can be a virtue, it’s a good noise that’s preferred.” (you have to be just a bit patient with this video!)

Mary Chapin Carpenter- I Feel Lucky To hell with dire predictions- I feel lucky!

Mary Poppins Soundtrack- Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious This has got to be one of the all-time great happy songs!

Louis Armstrong- What a Wonderful World A quieter tune with a lovely reminder of what really matters.

REM- It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine) Sometimes the end is just the beginning…

Rodrigo y Gabriela-  Tamacun The driving beat of this instrumental really gets me moving.

Rolling Stones- Start Me Up Self explanatory, no?

Sting- Brand New Day Lots of new day songs… what can I say?  I dig them!

Willie Nelson- Blue Skies Puts me in tune with the goodness in the world.

This is what jumped out at me today, but I know there are lots more- so I’m asking for your help.

What  music makes you feel powerful?  What do you pull up when you’re cooking dinner, or cleaning house?  What do you reach for when you’re riding high?  Do you have a ‘theme song’?

Please share!  Suggestions from any genre, language, or era are welcome!  If you like, let us know why a song is on your list!