Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning

Drowning doesn’t look like drowning.

I found this link courtesy of Patti Digh. I post it here partly as a late summer public service announcement, but also because it got me to thinking.

(I know… what else is new?!?)

The whole thing is well worth reading, but here’s the two-sentence takeaway:

Drowning is almost always a deceptively quiet event. The waving, splashing and yelling that dramatic conditioning (television) prepares us to look for is rarely present in real life.

This article struck me for a couple of reasons. The first is that it confirms that I probably really did save someone from drowning once.

Ten-year-old saves boy from drowning… film at eleven!

Well, not really.

I’m pretty sure I did prevent a drowning (or at least a near-drowning) but it wasn’t nearly as dramatic as the rescue that the author describes.

When were in elementary school, my sister and I spent several summers in day camp at the Y and every afternoon in the pool. It was a typically busy day at the pool, which was full of kids from the day camp along with everyone else who’d come to enjoy a respite from the brutal Texas heat. I was hanging out in the pool, laughing, splashing and playing with my friends.

This pool was L-shaped where the long side was basically a 25 yard lap pool with diving boards at the far end and the short side was a shallow ‘kiddie pool’ area. There was a rope separating the two parts of the pool, and a step down from the kiddie pool into the shallow end of the lap-pool.

There was a design flaw in this set-up that I noticed even as a kid.

The step and the rope were not lined up, making it possible to duck under the rope and still be on top of the step in the shallowest water. About 8 inches beyond the rope the step dropped off to the depth of the lap pool which was about 3 feet at the shallowest end. If you didn’t know it was coming, that step came as a rude surprise! And if you were short, that step could feel like a cliff.

So there I was, playing tag or marco polo in the shallow end with my friends and I looked over and saw a ‘little kid’ (which means he was maybe 4 or 5? I don’t really remember) on our side of the rope. He was just standing there and at first he looked like he was just blowing bubbles in the water which came to right his nose.  I didn’t really pay too much attention because he didn’t really look like he was in trouble. He was just standing there blowing bubbles. There were lots of kids in the pool and I was playing with my friends.

Besides, there were plenty of lifeguards all around and if there was a problem they would handle it, right?

But then I looked again and something must have seemed odd to me. Maybe I noticed that he wasn’t really moving much (which as we all know is pretty rare for kids in the pool!), or that he didn’t seem to have a grown up nearby. I can’t say exactly what made me think that something was wrong. And I don’t remember whether I said anything to him or not.

What I do remember is simply picking him up by one elbow and putting him back up on the step. I don’t recall what happened then, but he seemed to be OK, and I went back to playing with my friends.

And that was that.

After I’d done it, I realized that I might have done something important, and at the same time, completely unremarkable. This was certainly no dramatic rescue, like I’d seen on TV.

And really, what had I done?   Lifted a little kid back up onto a step.

Not exactly heroic. And it barely seemed worth mentioning to anyone.

And yet there’s something about this story that tugs at me. It seems to be a perfect example of the way that our actions can be both monumental and mundane at the very same time.  This paradox seems to be at the heart of motherhood and life in general, because I see it everywhere I turn.

Drowning doesn’t look like drowning part 2

The second thing that struck me about this article is that what the author says about drowning in water is also true about drowning metaphorically.

When someone is having a big struggle in their lives, it rarely looks like what we see on TV.

When couples fight, it rarely involves drinks tossed in the face or dramatic scenes in front of family and friends. More often it seems like we don’t necessarily know anything is going on until someone mentions that they have a new phone number because they’ve moved out.

So what does drowning look like?

It doesn’t look like flailing around. Or someone screaming “Help!”

People who are drowning look remarkably ‘normal.’ They’re upright. Their heads are above water.

Drowning in life seems to be quite similar to drowning in water.

People go quiet. They don’t show up in the usual places. They don’t seem to hang around and chat like they used to. There might be a catch in their voice when you ask how they are. Or their eyes aren’t as bright and shiny as they should be.

Could you be a hero?

Is there someone in your world that might be drowning without anyone noticing? Someone who’s gotten awfully quiet lately? Someone who looks like they’re keeping their head above, water, but just barely? Someone whose eyes are looking a little glassy?

Look closely and you might be surprised.

You might also be surprised at how easy it is to give someone who is struggling a hand. You don’t have to be a superhero or even a trained lifeguard to save the day. A simple phone call or invitation to coffee might be all it takes to lift someone back up on the step so they can breathe a little easier.

Your turn:  Got any thoughts on drowning (literally or figuratively)?  When was the last time you did something heroic (even if it didn’t seem that way)?

Please share in the comments!

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