Dream Garden Coaching » High Fives and Do-Overs

High Fives…When the tooth fairy loses her wings

Liz — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:26:15 +0000

This isn’t the standard version of Do-Overs and High-Fives, but I think the title still fits.

The tooth fairy lost her wings today, and I’m feeling the full bittersweetness of watching my son grow up.

DH was in the shower and I was barely conscious when AJ marched into the bedroom this morning and announced, “I know you’re the tooth fairy.”

“Wha?” I asked.

“I know you’re the tooth fairy.” He holds up a baggie with a wadded up tissue inside. “I lost a tooth at school yesterday and didn’t tell you about it. And the tooth fairy didn’t come. That proves you’re the tooth fairy.”

“Mmmm…. you think so huh?” I’m playing it cool at this point. Or I would be except that I’m still not awake enough to make a truly coherent response of any sort.

Not getting much response from me, he walks into the bathroom and makes his case to his dad.

Dad is noncommittal as well, neither confirming nor denying.

While AJ is getting dressed DH asks if he should smuggle one of the $2 bills he has on hand for tooth-fairy payouts into AJ’s room.

I wave him off, somehow getting the feeling that maybe it’s time to let this one go. I figure if necessary we can put the money under the bed and convince AJ that it must have fallen.

After several more rounds of , “Come on, just admit it. You’re the tooth fairy,” during breakfast, AJ gets off to school.

Once he’s gone and I had some time to think and reflect in my journal, it really struck me that this was a milestone of development, and at this point holding onto the myth of the tooth fairy was not going to serve AJ or our relationship with him.

As I was writing this morning, two things came clearly to me. First of all, I didn’t want him to think that magic doesn’t exist, or that all magic is done by people. In my experience, lots of magic comes through other people, but there’s plenty of magic that comes from somewhere else entirely! Second, I wanted him to know that he could now be part of making magic.

So then the question became, “How do we mark this transition?”

My first thought was that he was crossing a bridge out of the world of childhood and into adulthood. So I made a drawing of a boy crossing a bridge. Inside the drawing I tucked a letter.

This is what it said:

Dear AJ,

Today you crossed one of the many bridges on the journey from the world of the child to the world of the adult. You have found out that magic sometimes comes through ordinary people.

This is an important discovery, but please do not think that you have learned all there is about magic. Crossing this bridge means that you are ready to begin to apprentice a lifelong study of the true nature of magic.

What you need to know now is that some people who cross this bridge think that magic doesn’t exist at all. They become skeptical. This is a danger you will have to watch out for.

The second thing to know is that you can now make magic. Learning to do this will give you and those around you great joy.

Now that you have crossed this bridge, you may have to look a bit harder to find the magic in the world, but know this: those who don’t believe in magic will never find it, while those who look and expect to see magic will find it everywhere.

After dinner the drawing and letter were at the table. After he read it, we had a lovely conversation about what real magic was and where we’d seen it happen. We talked about the magic that comes through other people, and the magic that comes from somewhere else. We talked about how much fun it is when the magic moves through you to touch someone else. And we gave AJ a notebook so that he could remember some of the magic he’s been witness to.

It’s probably too soon to tell, but so far this is looking like a high-five moment.

How have you handled these ‘moments of truth’ as a mom? Please share your stories in the comments!

I’m taking next week off- so we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled programming after Thanksgiving.

Do-Overs and High-Fives: The SpiderWoman Edition

Liz — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 04:06:48 +0000

Well gang, this one is a little later than usual going out- but I have a really good excuse… without further ado, this week’s

Do Overs:

I got BIT!

Don’t know what got me, but I’m pretty sure it lives on the field where we do bootcamp. Yesterday morning as I was getting in my car after my workout I noticed a little red spot on my inner thigh. No biggie- just a little bug bite. As the morning went on, it turned into a mosquito sized bump with a little red dot in the middle. I was sitting at my computer most of the day and it wasn’t until later in the evening when we were walking home from a concert in the park near our house that I noticed it was really itchy and irritated. I took a closer look and there was a hot, red circle around my little red dot.

Of course I jump to the worst case scenario, and a quick internet search revealed that brown recluse spiders do not live in CO, although I had to endure some really nasty pics before I found the relevant info. Smeared some tea tree oil on it, and took a Benadryl before bed. When I woke up this morning, it was bigger, redder and hotter. UGGG… Of course it has to be a friday right?

Now one thing I hate is going to the doctor and hearing, “Well it’s just (a virus, a sprain, a bug bite, etc.), there’s nothing to do but wait it out.” But the thing I would hate even more would be not going to the doctor on Friday, having this thing get bubbly or oozy or worse on Saturday and ending up in the ER. No thanks. So I called and got an appointment this afternoon.

The nice doc looked at my leg and said- “Yeah… something got you.” Apparently he didn’t like the looks of the red, puffy, hot circle on my leg and prescribed an antibiotic. He also drew a circle around it and told me to call if the redness spread further. I try to avoid antibiotics whenever possible, but since this thing is really irritated, I figured like the doc said- better safe than sorry.

When I notified my Facebook gang of the bite, one of my friends commented that maybe I’d turn into SpiderWoman. I hadn’t thought of this- but if I could add to my superpowers walking on the ceiling then I wouldn’t have to worry about stepping on Legos all the time!

If superpowers should result- I’ll be sure to let you all know! In the meantime, I’m on antibiotics (with which I have a love/hate relationship. I love that they exist and can be used when absolutely necessary- and I hate to use them…) and probiotics.

So instead of writing this afternoon, I was in the doc’s office and getting my drugs. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

Saturday morning update: Although no superpowers seem to have manifested, after two doses of antibiotics and a good night’s sleep, the red circle is significantly smaller and not nearly as itchy. Thank heavens for the miracles of modern medicine!

That seems to be the worst of this week- so we’ll move on to:

High Fives

What’s so weird about Glasses?

Well if you read Tuesday’s post you will recall that my son’s concern about looking ‘weird’ in his glasses was the source of a very funny conversation. At that point he hadn’t worn them around anyone outside the immediate family, so I was still a little concerned about what would happen when his friends saw him.

That question was answered this week when he went to play Legos with one of his best buddies. My husband had him take the glasses, since they are for ‘close work’ including (he specifically asked!) Legos. I waited anxiously to hear the report. His friend is a sweet boy- but he’s a 10 year old boy! Not a group necessarily known for their tact or sensitivity!

When AJ got home and I asked him what happened with the glasses, he said, as if it were no big deal at all, “They (the friend and his mom) liked them. L. said they weren’t as bad as he thought they would be.”

End of conversation. No drama, no shattered confidence to repair, no angst at all. Some time after that he said to me, “I don’t think I’ll have to stay away from mirrors with my glasses on anymore. I don’t look that weird.”

In the end I’m just amazed by how much of a non-issue it was. Totally neutral. Almost (dare we say it?) normal….

Making Rosary Beads

Way back in June I was invited to join a group that was going to make rosary beads from rose petals. I thought it was happening that week when I was busy and trashed the email. When I went to drop AJ at camp this week, the woman who was organizing the project asked if I was there to make beads. I quickly checked to make sure I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere else- and ended up sticking around to participate in some lovely meditation and movement and to help crush the rose petals. I went back on Wednesday and rolled some beads with the rose clay that had been prepared. I’m not exactly sure what will become of all the beads, though I definitely have plans for some of them.

Aside from the coolness of doing the beads, I’m mostly just impressed with how once again, the universe seems to evolve in such a way that I’m in the right place at the right time, even when I don’t know it, haven’t planned it and couldn’t possibly arrange it even if I tried!

FACE in Niwot

OK just so you know- I was never what you’d call a groupie in my younger days. Sure I alwyas loved music and had favorite bands, but I could never tell you which BeeGee was which, or anything like that.

These days I’m a total groupie for an a capella rock band called FACE. They’re a local Boulder group that has a HUGE following in the area and for good reason. They are 6 guys and using only their voices and mikes sound like a rock band, complete with bass, drums, screaming guitars…. the works. Probably my favorite thing about them is the way they all work and play together. Each one of them has lead-singer chops, and it’s easy to see how egos might easily clash. But they don’t. It’s hard to say exactly who the leader is, because they all get airtime as soloists, and chatting up the audience between songs.

The show last night was such a great example of what happens when a band and audience are really sharing the love. As I said, they have a big loyal following, so folks showed up ready to sing, dance and enjoy themselves. And the more they did, the better the band got. One of the singers even commented on how much fun it was to watch the audience having so much fun. It was really one those times when audience and performer are in a reciprocal flow of energy- and it was hard to tell who was getting more out of it!

If you’re interested in seeing what can be done with only the human voice- check it out here: www.myspace.facevocalband.com. It won’t be nearly as cool as seeing them live- but a treat nonetheless.

The Garden

I know I’ve mentioned it before, and I hope it doesn’t get boring, but I’m so loving our garden. My husband grows the veggies and I cook them. This week I made 2 jars of pesto with basil from the garden and served it over pasta and bits of the freshest, most gorgeous head of broccoli I’ve ever seen.

Also on the menu was just-picked salad and for dessert, cherry pie made with cherries from our tree.

What an opportunity to notice abundance and gratitude!

So that’s my week in a nutshell…. How about you? What can we give you a ‘high five’ for? Got anything you wish you could do-over from this week?

High Fives and Do-overs… the start of a great Friday tradition

Liz — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:52:00 +0000

Let’s face it– life in the Mom lane is often a thankless journey.

The pro-motherhood lobby will tell you that raising the next generation is the most important job there is. (No argument here…) but somehow most of “the most important work there is” goes unrecognized and unrewarded.

And I’m not just talking about the fact that mothers never get a promotion, a raise, a window office, or a gold watch on retirement.

Near as I can tell, mothers NEVER retire!

And I’m not even talking about the lack of respect that dedicated mothers get from so many quarters.

I’m talking about the non-stop work: mental, emotional and physical work that we moms do every day that barely gets noticed, much less appreciated by our families, our communities and the world at large.

Now before we go too far here, I don’t want to give the impression that I think my family is horribly ungrateful. I don’t. But I’m much more likely to get complaints about an empty fridge than compliments for a fully stocked one.

Though to be fair, whenever Pirate Booty appears in the snack drawer, my son always thanks me. Could this be why I keep it a special treat?

It seems to me to be an interesting fact of mothering that whenever we’re at the top of our game, either no one notices it, or they hate our guts!

This isn’t always the case- I’ve certainly received a grateful hug when I show up at school with a forgotten instrument, or lunchbox. And my husband is pretty good about noticing and appreciating when things get tidied up around here.

That happens about as often as the pirate booty… wonder if there’s a connection?!?

But the simple fact is that when things are going smoothly, our efforts can go unnoticed. And this is as true for the work we do in our communities as with our families. 200 cupcakes show up for the bake sale… no worries. We moms move so quickly to solve problems, it’s fixed before anyone else even realizes there was an issue in the first place! We make it look SO easy sometimes!

This is why I say our best efforts are sometimes all but invisible.

And sometimes our best efforts are rewarded with screaming, crying, pouting and the classic, “I hate you. I wish I’d never been born,” followed by the slamming of the door.

It’s no wonder Moms are often plagued with self-doubt.

Much of what we do and the results of the decisions we make will not be obvious for years, if ever. And we might never know if we got it right or wrong. And yet we persist- going on faith that what we do makes a difference in the lives of our children, families and communities.

Will I ever hear my son say “Thanks, Mom for making me practice the violin.”? Maybe in 20 years, but I can pretty much guarantee I’ll never hear as many ‘thank yous’ as I’ll hear complaints.

And that’s OK. Because really that’s not the point.

Here’s the point:

Moms are amazing. We do incredible things every day. Even when it seems so ordinary.

I have a fantastic group of mom friends (I hope you do too!) and when our kids were younger there was always great group rejoicing over what might have seemed like little things. Sleeping through the night. Weaning. Potty training…. you get the idea.

But we also could share the things that no one else would notice or appreciate. The near-disasters that were averted. Enduring the family road trip with no major incidents… that sort of thing.

So here’s the real point:

We all deserve a little acknowledgement and appreciation for the everyday miracles we perform.

To this end, I’m blatantly stealing an idea I got from Havi Brooks over at The Fluent Self blog.

I’m calling mine, “High Fives and Do-Overs”.

Each week I’ll share some of my triumphs and less-than-stellar moments as a mom. And I’ll invite you to do the same. These can be small or large- it doesn’t really matter. This is the place to share that thing that you did that no one else might notice. And the place to shout from the rooftops about that thing you worked your tail off on. If it was a minor miracle that dinner got on the table- post it. If you just won a battle with the school on your child’s behalf- post it.

This is also a place you can share the places you blew it and wish you could have a do-over. Again- large or small- what would you do differently next time? If you wish you could take back that nasty tone of voice you used with your husband the other day- post it. If you forgot to pack a lunch- post it.

I think you get the idea.

The one thing I ask is this: Post your own triumphs and tribulations with wild abandon, and read those of other moms with compassion.

With that prelude…. I give you

High Fives:

Getting this blog post done! Hooray! And bonus points for making a committment to do it every friday!

This week I managed to get my son back on track with violin after a week of completely disrupted practicing. (All the more important because his recital is a week from Saturday!)

Tuesday was an insanely complicated day logistically. Amazingly enough, everyone got where they needed to be when they needed to be there with what they needed to have when they got there.

We have both my in-laws and my mom in town for the weekend. So far, so good. (Today this is a high five moment- next week, you may hear about a do-over or two!)

Do-Overs:

I agreed to take a friend’s son for the weekend so she could go on a job interview BEFORE I checked the calendar… After checking with the husband and the calendar, it really only made sense for us to have him on Saturday night. I wish I’d checked before I said yes….

I totally forgot to make my son’s lunch this morning. My excuse is that I was getting coffee for my mom and making sure she had everything she needed. Fortunately, my husband asked, “where’s his lunch…” before they left. OOPS! We quickly slapped together a PBJ, threw a banana, a drink and granola bar in a bag and called it good.

Now it’s your turn.

First of all- join Lori and subscribe to this blog… that way you won’t miss a thing and I’ll feel obligated to post regularly!

Next, post your own High Fives and Do-overs for the week.

If this part of life’s journey has you travelling in the Mom Lane, chances are lots of your friends are too. If you tell your cool friends about this blog- we’ll have a really cool community of moms in no time!

Have a GREAT weekend!