This post is inspired by an email I got following last week’s post on big goals vs. small goals.

A friend I’ve known for a while emailed saying that he can get tripped up by both small goals and big goals.  He has lots of big goals,  including world peace and ‘total musical fame,’ but these have left him feeling crappy because they are so far out there it seems like he’ll never achieve them.  When someone coached him to set ‘medium goals’ he was immediately relieved, and amazed himself by actually accomplishing them (or something close to them.)  These medium goals included getting one of his compositions performed in his local area within the next year, and losing 10 pounds in the next six months.  Things like that.

My friend’s experience seemed like the perfect way to discuss the difference between goals and dreams.  Given the way he described both his ‘big goals’ and his ‘medium goals,’ it was no surprise to me at all that he’d had more success in reaching the latter ones.  As he described them, I would characterize only the latter as true goals.  The first group I’d classify as dreams.

And in my experience (for myself and as a coach), dreams are dreamy, but unless they get turned into goals, it’s pretty hard to get there- or to know when we do.

So what makes goals different from dreams?

Commitment+ Action

Sometimes I talk to people about what they really want and get a laundry list of dreams, wishes and fantasies.  They talk about things they would like to do or have in their lives, but there’s not a lot of real juice behind them.

So this is one big difference in how I understand goals vs. dreams.

As I understand it, a goal is something that you’re actually committed to, not just something you say you want.  You have to be willing to take action.

But this doesn’t explain why my friend’s aims are dreams and not goals.  He’s not some dude sitting around playing “Guitar Hero” and thinking how groovy it would be if there were no war.  Quite the contrary.  He is both an accomplished musician and a dedicated social activist.  He’s spent years committed to both these ends and engaging in all kinds of activities along the way.  So why would I say ‘world peace’ and ‘being a totally famous musician’ are dreams and not goals?

Deadlines

For one thing, these don’t have any deadlines attached.  Dreams are out there, always present, but never pressing.  One of the easiest ways to transform a dream into a goal is to give it a deadline.  You can try this now at home.  Think of something you’ve been wanting to do.  Write it down.  Now give yourself a deadline.

Yikes!

A couple of things might have happened there.  Maybe you realized that this particular item was likely to remain a ‘wish’ or ‘dream’ for a while since you really weren’t motivated to act in any timely way on it.  Maybe you immediately thought of a couple of actions you could take in the direction of finishing it by your deadline.

Maybe you realized that the goal as stated was impossible in any identifiable time frame.

Which takes us to the really big difference between dreams and goals…

Specific+ Measurable

Just so you know, I’m all for world peace.  Chances are, unless you are a weapons manufacturer, you are too.

And everyone knows what ‘world peace’ means right?

Think about it for just a minute and I think you might realize that there’s actually not a clear understanding of what this would really entail.  ”The absence of armed conflict on planet Earth” might be one way to define it.  That’s general enough to cover declared wars, ‘internal disputes’ and other related issues.  But what about piracy on the high seas?  Drug-related violence?  Gang warfare?  And let’s not forget domestic violence.  True “world peace” would probably cover that as well, right?  We would probably also want to be sure to eliminate violence against those who are targeted because of their religion, color or sexual orientation.  That should be covered under ‘world peace’ don’t you think?    While we’re at it, it seems like sexual assault, abuse and harassment ought to go in there as well.  And what about peace of mind or internal peace?

My point is this:  we think we know what we want when we state ‘world peace’ as a goal, but we have a hard time articulating exactly what it is that we’re after.  No wonder we’re not there yet!  The interesting thing about starting to tease all these threads apart is that it becomes easier to find a hunk of this that could become a proper goal.

My friend’s second dream suffers from a similar lack of specificity, but it’s a bit easier to sharpen this one up.  If I were going to coach him, I’d ask, “So what does, ‘total musical fame’ mean to you?  Is it being mobbed for autographs when you go out to dinner?  Is it hitting #1 on the Billboard charts?  Is it having a divider with your name on it at the music store?  Is it selling X number of CDs?  Is it playing at Carnegie Hall?  Is it playing X number of gigs locally each month?  Is it making X dollars annually performing?”

We could go on, but you get the point.  ”Total musical fame” will mean very different things to different people, and chances are, even he doesn’t know quite what he means at first.  In order to turn this into a goal, we need some specifics and they need to be measurable.  Otherwise, how will he know when he gets there?

My friend is a talented and accomplished musician, and I have no doubt that if he described what ‘total musical fame’ looked like, he could achieve it, but left vague, even if he achieves it, he’ll never know.

Goals can be Accomplished

Thinking about my friend’s ‘medium goals,’ it’s easy to see why he was actually able to do them.  He was committed and willing to take action, he had a deadline in mind and the goals themselves were both specific and measurable.

Ta da… action + goal = accomplishment.

Just in case you were inclined to think I’m knocking dreams, I’m not.  I love dreams.  Big, fluffy, crazy, impossible dreams.  But because dreams tend to be so big, so vague and so endless, they don’t really lend themselves to accomplishment.   EVEN IF we do lots of action in their general direction, by their nature, they are never ‘done.’  When we carve off one little hunk at at time, turn them into do-able goals, we can watch that dream turn into reality bit by bit.

What’s your experience with dreams and goals?  Got a dream that you shaped into a goal?  Got a dream you’d like help shaping into a goal?  Let us know in the comments!

So I ran a half-marathon on Sunday.  Not too shabby as accomplishments go- 13.1 miles is nothing to sneeze at- even here in Boulder, where it seems like everyone and her dog runs/bikes/climbs/skis/hikes or otherwise engages in some healthy and/or extreme activity daily.

And yet I feel oddly let down by the experience.  Like it was not that big an achievement.  I did it, but…. so what?

I could actually feel this coming on.  I knew I hadn’t trained well for this race, hadn’t given it much attention or energy.  I’ve run these before- and even run a full marathon once.  So I pretty much know the drill for training.  I also know (for better or worse) that I’m always capable of running longer than I’ve run in training.  So my training itself was pretty darn lackadaisical.

Towards the end, I got a little worried and stepped it up a bit, doing a couple of longer runs- topping out at an hour and 45 minutes.  While on one of these runs, I started wondering to myself why I hadn’t gotten more serious about training sooner?  Why hadn’t I been out running 4 or 5 days a week?

I realized that it was because I’d set myself a goal that was too small.

I decided to register for the race back in the spring because I wanted some motivation to get out and run.  I love to run, but it’s all too easy to forget that when it’s dark outside and the bed is so nice and warm.  Even after all these years when I know I ALWAYS feel better after a run.  And never once have I ever said to myself… “I should have stayed in bed.”

Still.  It’s hard to drag my tush out of bed and pull on my shoes.

This is why every now and then, I register for a race.

Only this time, it didn’t work.  I kept going to boot-camp twice a week, but I didn’t start running.

Oh, maybe I’d go out on the weekends once.  And then, slowly, I’d go for little short runs- 30 minutes or so.  But that’s no way to train for a half-marathon.

About a month ago, I got semi-serious.  I ran a couple of times a week in addition to (or instead of) boot-camp, and I got myself out for those longer runs.

And then, FINALLY, I remembered why I wanted to do this in the first place.  Because I don’t even get warmed up until at least 30 minutes in.  At 45 minutes or an hour, I’m feeling good.  And from then on, I’m on cruise control.

This was what I’d been hoping for in registering for the race.  A way to compel myself to find that zone that I love.

Kind of twisted I know…  What can I tell you?

Except that I don’t seem to be the only one that needs to be compelled in some way or other to make time to do those things that are important to us.  But that’s another post.

This post is about goals, and specifically, the need for BIG goals.

Now I’m not gonna diss small goals.  There is a time and place for ‘babysteps.’  No question.  We can discuss that in another post as well.

And what counts for one person as a small goal, might very well count for another as a big goal.  I fully realize that for many folks, running a half-marathon would be a huge thing.  And so by claiming that for me it wasn’t a big enough goal, I in no way intend to make a general claim that it’s not a big (or big enough) goal.

My point here is that there is a qualitative difference between a ‘big’ goal and a ‘small’ one.  The actual content of the goal has very little to do with whether it’s a ‘big’ one or a ‘small’ one for any particular person.  The differences between these kinds of goals can only be felt from the inside.

Big goals simply feel different from small goals.

10 Differences between BIG goals and Small Goals

a la David Letterman we have:

10.  Small goals have small payoffs, big goals have big payoffs.

9.  Small goals can often be achieved with only minor tweaks to the status quo- i.e. one’s typical habits, routines, etc.  Big goals require some serious adjustments to the status quo.

8.  Small goals seem so easy to accomplish, they are easy to put off.  Assuming the big goal has a deadline, there’s only so long you can put off acting on a big goal, otherwise, you’ll never make it.

7.  Small goals can often be achieved in one shot.  Big goals require consistent action over an extended time.

6.  The impact of small goal is typically short-lived, the impact of big goals lasts longer.

5.  We often take a DIY approach to small goals.  Big goals almost always require us to enlist the help and support of others.

4.  Small goals allow us to stay in our comfort zone.  Big goals take us out of our comfort zone.

3.  There is little risk of failure with a small goal.  The risk of failure is real with a big goal.

2.  Small goals usually don’t scare us.  Big goals always do.

And the number one difference

between a big goal and a small goal is that big goals have transformative potential.  when  you work towards a big goal (notice I didn’t say when you reach a big goal) , something shifts in who you are and how you see the world.

The punchline is that it’s not so much what you do, or even whether you achieve the big goal you set for yourself or not.  It’s who you become along the way.  Small goals don’t invite the same journey of self-discovery or self-creation that big goals to.  And for my money, that’s the big payoff of big goals.

That’s why the half-marathon was too small a goal.  It wasn’t enough to scare me, to make me shake up my normal routine, or to make a big impact on my life.

More on that later, but meantime….

What do you think?  Are big goals really different from small ones?  Got anything to add to my list?